A new beginning AGAIN! :D

Reading through the previous blogs was like reliving those moments! I could feel those butterflies in my tummy all over again; I could feel myself grinning in between.
Well, right now my life is going on very smooth! The kind of life I had always desired since the previous year! Calm and settled! Everything seems so clear now! A new meaning and a new ambition to work for! It’s A different and new prospective of looking at things around me. I thank all the shit that I had to go through the previous year. It’s because of those situations that I’ve raised the bar for myself.
I’m in 12^th now. A serious year, wherein I need most of my concentration skills. Well, this year I can see dramatic difference in myself. I READ! NOW THAT IS SOMETHING I NEVER THOUGHT I’D DO! Instead, I love reading books! Books take you to a whole new world! The sad part is, it proves to be a great distraction when studies are taken into account. Studies have never been that interesting to me and now with these books around, it’s becoming impossible for me! I’ve learnt quiet a lot of things through reading. It also proves to be the best pass time! Oh! I cannot forget facebook! I practically live on both of them...!
My new aspiration ...determination is to become the greatest architect! I dwell on that thought every day. Living the life of an architect gives me an unusual high! It gives me immense pleasure to know that I will soon be writing my entrance exams! Well, I have the confidence that I can do great. For the 1^st time, I prefer saying, I’ll do well for myself rather than for anyone else!
Another change in me which I can notice is that I’ve become too practical about everything. The drawbacks of having a hard time previously have left me with a stone heart. No more do I believe in trust and truth. Except the fact that I never lie. The only person I know I can trust is myself. The only person who is going to remain with me forever is myself again. I seem to understand the way of living. Just like what mom used to say....people out there are waiting when a soft person enters and they can take full advantage of him. She’d always warn me to be cautious and never trust anyone blindly. Well, I just prefer learning things the hard way round I guess ... Well, I’ve learnt how to tackle with such people. Better late than never!

The next new thing is that, even after all these hard days, I’ve risked my heart again. No matter how hard I try, it seems to be impossible to not love this guy! Anyhow, I still seem to be ready for the worst. As I said earlier, it takes most of me to trust someone in the first place... though I trust this guy; I also know things have to end sometime or the other. This is the only part where I think pessimistically. I won’t deny that fact. Till date, everything between us is going flawless. Just as it’s supposed to be! He can make me feel like I’m in heaven. He can get me dance! He is the one who reminds me day in and day out that I do have a heart and I still do have humane feelings existing in me. I don’t know about him but I surely love him a lot! I wouldn’t want anything to go wrong between us two. I love him for who he is!

Finally! I feel matured when I think that I’ve come up more strong, able and capable of facing more! I’m all ready to face everything again! The same enthusiasm has come into me. A new reason to work, a new goal to reach! It’s never going to stop. Many hurdles will come on the way but I’ll evolve through it. Anyways, that’s it for now! End of an amazing description of a pleasant part of life that I’m living in!

the beginning of a new start!

I have always been an average ranker whose inclination is not at all towards studies! I’ve always chosen drawing over studies. And it’s not very different now. But yeah, I have to get my head into studies this year... but I don’t really feel like doing so...well, I guess it’s better to go with the flow.

Anyways, today’s day started at 6am!! After 2 months of vacations getting up at 6am in the morning is a big task by itself for me! And as expected I couldn’t get up when the alarm rang... instead I got up 45 minutes after the ring. I’m still surprised how I could get dressed, pack up and swallow up the coffee all in my deep sleep! And exactly after 15 minutes I bang the door behind me and rush down the road with the headphones clinging into my ears. Remembering the days when I used to run the same way so that I could reach the classes as fast as possible! The huffing and puffing and the feeling of relief when I find that I still have a minute for the class to start! Then I enter my class with my friends grinning at me which would say ‘you are late again’! Suddenly the loud music of evanescence breaks the flow of my thoughts and I realize that I still have a long way to go to reach my class!

Today was different though. I found new faces in class today. I guess they were the new admission people. I and my friends didn’t really like to share OUR class with anyone else...but as if we had a choice!!! The fun we had in our half filled class last year was full today! So full that we had to get extra chairs to sit on! We missed our half filled class...how free and empty it was! We used to find it like our second home! And we don’t want to share OUR house with OTHERS!! But we had to!

As soon as 2 hours passed, people started getting irritable. Anyone would get irritable! 2 hours of studies is irresistible! (At least it is for me). everyone had their heads propped up on their hands giving out sighs, showing their displeasure in some way or the other...it was our first class...that was the main reason because of which people could resist  the teachings for 2 hours!! (Even me). The girl next to me started texting in the middle of the lecture, other girl started drinking water, someone else started dozing, I started to day dream, some were looking at each other and making sad faces, few of them were doodling and others were sleeping with their eyes open. There was only one person who was really attentive even after 2 hours! And she would reply spontaneously and loudly! She would love it when what she said in the class turned out to be right! She was the only one who could sustain herself throughout the class! She was so engrossed in the subjects that she could not see anything else other than thinking about how to answer the questions fired by sir!

Well, I know this would not sustain for long. This was the first class and it’s obvious to have her so exited and enthusiastic! If her energy level remains the same EVERYDAY, then seriously hats off to her!!!! I’d bow down to her! I never would have the patience to tolerate this! I have no clue how I’m ever gonna get through this crap! But I still seem to love my classes a lot! Hope I get through the year without landing up with some kinda brain ham rage. Anyways, the teachers are giving their lives to teach us and I surely respect them for it! They are the best teachers ever! If they wouldn’t have been teaching, I would have lost all interest as soon as class begins....

sudden craze for shin chan!

I never thought I'd blog about shin chan! Well, I'm going crazy for that tiny little kid(shin chan). His sister(himawari)...the whole 'Nohara family' for that case!!!!! This little guy is the biggest inspiration for my little sister...no doubt her behaviour is so much simmilar to his. Shin chan is the cutest and the most hillarious cartoon I've ever watched and it has caught my attention forever! My sister is a die-hard fan of shin chan and I guess that's the only thing one could threaten her with.
well, this blog is dedicated only to shin chan...

^that dog ----sheero is the cutest thing ever! Himawari loves him...I LOVE THAT DOG! ITS SO ADORABLE!

Taking care of a kids like shin chan and himawari is a task by itself...

the whole nohara family ^

Himawari proves to be his sister in every sense!

they are the best family ever! no doubt !

what are friends for? :)

The expected turns up unfortunately! But when I really had to come face to face with the ‘already known answer’, I never knew I’d be so strong. He would just go on and on about it. Trying to put the harsh fact in the mildest way possible. But all I could register in my head was that it was something which I had already thought of. At the beginning I felt numb. No reaction what so ever, just sitting with the cell on my ears. He’s speaking, trying to make me feel better, and saying something which I could barely understand. I tried to listen to him...but all that I could do was hear what he was saying. Later I tell him that it’s okay and I never expected anything great anyways. We cut the line and I’m still stunned. Compared to yesterday, I was more composed today. All ready to accept anything that comes my way. A few awkward minutes passed as I sat there motionless and emotionless. Felt as if time stood still and the floor has just broken apart from underneath my feet.

Later, after few minutes or so, I was back to normal. Calm and composed. Back to my normal nature. I never knew that I could take it. I feel great about that. I have much more in me than what I thought I possess. Now it all feels like a dream. Once again I would really love to thank one of my friend who was always with me throughout the previous day. He had been my only support. In fact, the sense of stability in me came in just because of him. He was with me, right next to me just when I needed him. Unlike other friends who just give a word as to staying with you and helping you forever and all shit... just for the sake of it. But this guy was just amazing! He knows what to tell, he knows when to tell, he knows the exactly the thing I want to hear, he knows exactly how I feel and what would make me feel better.

I’d never want to lose you. You mean a lot to me. So much that I’m practically blogging about you! When no one was there with me, you were the one who always supported me. Thank you so much! I don’t think I can ever make it up to you! You know yourself that you will always be SPECIAL for me. i can never forget you...love you...

hope...anxiety...nervousness...!!! love????

As I mentioned last blog, I always felt it safe to stay away from love and all crap. But I guess my fate had something else written down for me. My heart has pushed me into the hole of uncertain love again...This day never seems to come to an end. Every time my cell vibrates, it gives me an unnecessary chill through my spine. I opened my eyes in the morning to think about him the next second... There is this unwonted fear in me which is tearing me apart. This fear is taken over me. I’m not sure about his reply to what I disclosed to him yesterday...It felt as if a huge weight was removed from my shoulders after I told him what I felt about him...Since the time I woke up till now I’m unable to behave like usual... Taking into consideration his behaviour, nature and this endless time he’s taking to come to a conclusion, it feels as if the answer is gonna be negative. And I’m NOT ready to face that...

I can’t possibly take another ‘no’ ... It’s just too much on me. If that ever happens it’s gonna be the second time. Getting me together in the first time was hell of a job... I don’t think I can take another one...At least not so fast! I don’t understand what made me tell him my feeling for him... I just should have shut my bloody mouth... But it’s done already. I can’t gather the courage to face his ‘no’... Maybe I’m over reacting. Because there are chances of him saying a ‘yes’ too... But I just can’t stop thinking about anything else but a negative reply from him. He has always been in my head. It’s been nearly a year that he’s in my mind. Every time he comes in front of me, a little flutter comes up in my tummy which causes me to grin continuously without any reason what-so-ever... My heart beats at such a fast rate that I can feel it pumping in my chest... I find myself searching for words when I’ve to talk to him whereas I keep chatting continuously when he’s not around. There is always few slip of tongues from my side when his voice reaches my ear. I start to stammer in front of him. Unable to express anything to him... Maybe it’s good that I told him... At least he would be aware of what goes through me when he walks through the door...He’s got into me like a drug or something...

Unfortunately I couldn’t gather the courage to tell him all this that I’ve mentioned above. I’m very bad at expressing my feelings to others... I can see the drawback of that now. I was not able to tell him anything when I had so much to tell him. As usual I got shut as soon as I heard his voice... He is supposed to tell me his so called ‘final hearing’ tonight through call... And I’m somehow sure about his decision... I doubt I’d even pick up his call... Maybe I will again go shut listening to his voice. As I said, I feel this day is not ending at all. The day is moving and at the same time it’s increasing the anxiety level in me. What does he think of me? Does he think of me the same or at least close to what I think of him? He’s always in my head...but do I even cross his mind? At least once? I guess the answer to all these questions will come tonight... It’s the call which I don’t want to answer...But have to answer... this is exhausting...!!!

Well, As I said before, HOPE FOR THE BEST....

random thoughts..!!

Well, no great reason to blog... Nothing that special going on... Just an update because I’m too bored...

Well...One year of college has just passed on so quick that before anything can even get registered, it’s done! I’ve made great pals out there. Something I thought I’d never be able to do. Maybe I’ve got a tag of being too outspoken. But i kind of like that. Expressing what you think of a person right on his face instead of keeping it as a mystery to him and faking. I personally can’t fake at all. If i like a person i show it...and the same works visa versa. Complete opposite of what i used to be in school...an introvert.. It’s a memory..or precisely, a nightmare which always keeps lingering to me. A very weird past which takes most of me... But yeah, it has helped me a lot too.. Anyways! This aint about my past... it’s always gonna be about today...the present and the future...

Most of the people in college are double faced...Can’t be trusted easily... I know I shouldn’t be speaking about all these when I’m the one practically living around them. At the start it was hard for me to face them. It was surprising or rather shocking as to watch people behave like an angel in front of me and turn into a devil or worse than that when I’m not around. Everyone out there is only in search of some hot gossip to spread... :) well...Maybe that’s how college life is... Complicated...

The worst or maybe the best part of college life comes in is when the stupid phrase ‘love ’enters... From the very beginning I’ve been against love... Since it used to only create more and more of destruction and havoc in my life. Even then I had the guts to play around with myself and fall for some one... well, not actually falling... I came close to falling for someone.. :P before I could go overboard with my feelings, it got smashed terrifyingly.. Nothing new for me... the only thing new in this was that it happened before I could actually get serious about him... anyways, that is past too... now we are like good friends... ‘Good friends’ didn’t really work with me at the start... it took hell lot of time and energy to get used to things as ‘just good friends’ ... but later, I DID IT! That’s what matters at the end...

finally! No more whining for him... no more confused state of mind and no more jealousy...

 jealousy is another feeling that can nearly “KILL YOU”.... Trust me... I went closest to getting myself killed... anyways... I’m alive and blogging right now...

And here I am...once again...against love... just because I fear heartbreaks... it’s a hard truth...everybody knows that things have to end some day or the other... sometimes fast, sometimes slow... we can count on our fingertips as to how many couples actually continued their life ‘together’ till the end...

This is just my way of looking at stuff...nothing is really generalized in what i said... people have their own opinions... and I respect all of them... I believe that everyone has a right to think and put forth what they have to say about various issues...

When my friends are in love and they speak to me about it, I find it very cute and sweet... it’s very funny how people change when they get into a relationship!! ... Like any other girl, I’m always ready to help in such issues even after not having any experience... I have never felt jealous that I am not in a relationship... looking at the bright side of things makes it much more easier and comfortable to deal with... as of now I’ve again got myself trapped in this stupid love... and as usual I’m unable to get out of it... I see that daydreaming is one biggggg huge side effect of love... its pure distraction... well... let’s see how this love story of mine proceeds... I surely would love to know my future if things are gonna develop more than a one sided crush... well...as usual I have no great high hopes...

Anyhow... i find it  funny as to how much time one can spend thinking of ONLY ONE person throughout the day... it used to never make sense to me before... nor is it making any sense to me now even though I’m practically doing it... THIS IS A WIERD LIFE!!! Anyways...i guess that’s it for now...let’s just hope for the best...  :)

a small gesture of love is enough to break all barriers of hate.. :)

Sometimes all that it takes is a small word against you to turn up the anger in you. Some days are really bad...but some are wonderful..Only when you face those bad days do u realize the happiness which the good days bring...

Well, today was one of those bad days for me. Exams were on... its but obvious that you tend to get all tenst up and nervous. This tension itself takes you to a world of complete irritation. Two papers one after the other felt like Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombing on me. Two of the worst papers on planet earth! I expected a lot from the papers but turned out to be completely opposite. The papers were done at 2:30...I should have realized that it was just the beginning of my horrific day.

Next terror awaiting me was in the bus stop. Well, the purse I adored from the bottom of my heart got stolen. I felt half dead. Numbness is the only thing I could sense in my whole body... All this got into me which gave rise to miserable splitting head ache. It felt as if time stood still. Weird to feel all this just for a purse.. I wasn’t even worried about the money in the purse. All that bothered me was that i lost my purse which i loved!

The last thing that I had to face was my past! Today was just so wrong! I tried my best to avoid the jerk about whom I spoke in my 1st blog. But no, everything that shouldn’t happen was supposed to happen today. So, as expected...he comes up to talk to me..Even those few minuets of talking to him got me crazy!! He was the last thing I wanted to see today!!!!

The only place I can go with all these problems is my house. Well, bless my mom to be at home today! The 1st thing i wanted was a tight hug from her to regain the lost life in me. Surprisingly she wasn’t mad at me. According to her, only by making such mistakes can I improve myself. Well, I don’t disagree with her... She somehow has the ability to bring back the lost me...

She could see how sad I was. Even though I didn’t show it out..She asked me to take a nap and regain the lost energy..She as usual went off for shopping. Now she is out...She just texted me to check the bag which is kept close to the shoe rack..The best and sweetest thing that I could ever see today cropped up..Wrapped  in a plastic cover was another purse which looks exactly the same as my older one!!!
This small gesture of care is more than enough for me to forget every stupid thing that has happened with me today! The only thing that I can realize now is that I have one person with me...who cares for me immensely...I promise that I will never let you down mom... I always have always respected you and always will....LOVE YOU MOM  :)